Six rules live here: Lead with proof, Say it in one line, Win in week one, Cut the extras, Bonuses kill doubts, and building what's included from what actually stops the buyer. This is where the offer gets stronger, so it's also where it's easiest to start making things up. Don't.
When to use it
- After
offer-diagnosisandoffer-levers, to rebuild the offer. - Someone asks for a better promise, headline, package, or "what should I include?"
- Someone's offer has grown a long list of parts and they want to know what to cut.
What you need
What they sell and to whom, every piece of proof they have, the objections, and what the owner can deliver (time, capacity, skills). If proof is missing, ask: "What results have clients actually got? Names and numbers if you can." If what's included is unclear, ask: "List exactly what a buyer gets, and what you do each week."
Procedure
1. Rule: Lead with proof
List every real piece of proof the owner gave you, strongest first, with its scope: who got it, from what job, what result, over what time. This list is the only proof you may use.
| Proof | Who / what job | Result | Strength |
|---|---|---|---|
| [exact words from the owner] | [type of client, the job] | [the number or change] | Named and specific / general / the owner's own claim |
- Describe each piece exactly as the owner did. "7 sites built" stays "7 sites built", not "7 clinic sites".
- Build on what's proven. If the best proof comes from one job or one type of client, the promise leads with that job for that client. Other jobs can stay in the offer, but the headline goes where the proof is.
- If proof is thin, say so. The fix then includes collecting proof (see references/proof-ladder.md), and the guarantee has to carry more of the weight.
- Proof goes first on the page, before features and before price.
2. Rule: Say it in one line
Write the promise as one sentence a buyer could repeat to a friend. Draft three, each from a different angle, then pick one:
| Angle | Shape |
|---|---|
| The result | "[Specific result, in their words] in [time], with [how]." |
| The pain removed | "Stop [the thing they dread] and [the result], in [time]." |
| What free can't do | "Not [the free option]: [what you do that it can't], until [the result]." |
Pick the one that passes all four tests:
- Specific. A concrete thing the buyer can picture (a booked diary, a finished report, a first bowl), not a category ("growth", "wellness").
- Wanted. It's what the buyer says they want, in their words, not what the seller finds interesting.
- Inside the proof. No bigger than what the proof list shows. The time frame is one the owner controls.
- Answers the top objection. If they say "what do I get?", the line says what they get. If they say "a free app does this", the line says what free can't do.
Then the boundary: promise what the owner controls (the work, the plan, the support, the delivery date), and put results in the proof line, as what past clients got. "Built to get you back to training 4 days a week" is a promise about design; "Dan trains 4 days a week, 6 months on" is proof. Never write "you will lose", "you will earn", "you will get X clients".
When the objection is price or "someone cheaper could do this", do not stop at the feature list. Name the outcome the buyer is actually buying, then the strongest proof in the same breath, as what that client got. Weak: "5 pages and a booking button, tested." Strong: "A site built so visits become booked appointments. Marco's went from 2 online orders a week to 11. Yours is live in 3 weeks, button tested." The For line uses the buyers and the words in the brief. Do not invent a symptom they did not say.
More shapes and before and after examples: references/promise-and-first-win.md.
3. Rule: Win in week one
Design one thing the buyer gets or feels in the first seven days. It answers "how soon will I feel this working?" and cuts refund requests.
- It must be something they feel or use: a plan made for them, a first problem fixed, a first finished piece, a first measured change. Not "you fill in a form".
- The owner must control it. "Your plan, built around your week, within 48 hours" is controllable. "Your first 2 kg down" isn't.
- Name it on the card in one line.
4. Build what's included from the obstacles
List what stops this buyer before, during and after buying, in their words. Use the objections first, then the obstacles every buyer of this kind hits.
| When | Prompts |
|---|---|
| Before buying | Doubts, confusion about what they get, fear of wasting money, not knowing where to start |
| During | Getting stuck, losing motivation, no time, making mistakes, waiting on someone |
| After | Slipping back, not knowing what's next, the result fading |
For each obstacle, write one thing the owner could do about it. Each included item on the card then says which obstacle it removes: [item]: removes "[obstacle in their words]".
5. Rule: Cut the extras
Score each part, existing or suggested, for value to this buyer and cost to the owner (time or money per buyer).
| Value to buyer | Cost to owner | Decision |
|---|---|---|
| High | Low or medium | Keep in the core |
| High | High | Keep only if it's what makes the offer different; otherwise move it to a higher priced option |
| Medium | Low | Move to bonuses, if it kills a doubt |
| Medium | High | Cut |
| Low | Any | Cut. Padding makes the whole offer look cheaper |
Name what you cut and why in one line. Fewer, sharper parts beat a long list. Full method and the delivery ladder (alone, with them, for them): references/obstacles-and-cuts.md.
6. Rule: Bonuses kill doubts
A bonus earns its place only by killing a named doubt. No bonus is a fine answer.
- Three tests, all must pass: it removes one named objection, it helps the core result happen, and it's cheap or quick for the owner to deliver.
- Three to five at most. Usually one or two is stronger.
- Time them: one that helps on day one, one for the hard middle, one for finishing or what comes after.
- A bonus is something the owner will actually deliver. Never invent a product to stack up value.
- No "worth $X" next to a bonus unless the owner sells it separately or there's a real comparable price. Most bonuses should carry no price at all.
- Don't hold a bonus back as pressure unless the deadline is real.
Patterns by doubt: references/bonus-patterns.md.
7. Mark what's new
Anything the owner didn't already offer is a suggestion: write (new) after it. If it needs their time or money, add it to "Check these". Do not add a length or a method they did not name. "Weekly check-in call" stays those words. "30 minutes" or "form check on your videos" is new, so mark it (new) or leave it out.
Output (when used on its own)
**Proof to lead with:** [strongest first, exact words, (yours) on every number]
**Promise:** [one line]
**First win (week one):** [one line]
**What's included:**
- [item]: removes "[obstacle]"
- [item] (new): removes "[obstacle]"
**Cut:** [item], because [reason]
**Bonuses:** [none, or each with the doubt it kills]
**Check these:** [at most three]
Worked example (illustration, fictional business)
A Spanish tutor sells 10 weeks of online lessons for adults for $650. Proof: "Priya held a 20 minute conversation with her host family on her trip after 10 weeks. 14 students so far." Objections: "I've tried Duolingo and gave up" and "I'm too old to learn a language."
- Proof to lead with: Priya held a 20 minute conversation with her host family after 10 weeks (yours). 14 students taught (yours).
- Promise drafts: result ("Hold a real conversation on your next trip, in 10 weeks, with a tutor who talks with you every week"); pain ("Stop freezing when someone speaks Spanish to you"); free can't ("Not another app streak: a real person you talk to every week until you can hold a conversation").
- Picked: "Not another app streak: 10 weeks of talking with a real tutor, built so you can hold a conversation on your next trip." It's specific, wanted, inside the proof (Priya), and answers "I tried Duolingo".
- First win: a 10 minute conversation about yourself, in Spanish, by the end of week one (check the tutor can deliver this).
- Included: weekly 1 to 1 conversation lesson: removes "an app never makes me speak"; phrases for your actual trip (new): removes "I'll learn words I'll never use"; a voice note check in midweek (new): removes "I'll drift off like last time".
- Cut: the 40 page grammar workbook, because buyers didn't ask for it and it says "homework" to people who already quit once.
- Bonuses: none. The core answers both objections.
- Proof line, not promise: "Priya, after 10 weeks: a 20 minute conversation with her host family." Not "you'll be conversational in 10 weeks".
Self-check
- Every proof item is in the owner's words, with its scope, and nothing is stretched beyond it.
- The promise is one line, specific, in the buyer's words, inside the proof, and answers the top objection.
- The promise commits only to what the owner controls; results sit in the proof line.
- The week one win is felt by the buyer and controlled by the owner.
- Each included item names the obstacle it removes; something was considered for cutting.
- Every bonus kills a named doubt, has no made up value, and is marked (new) if new.
Reference files
| File | Read it when |
|---|---|
| references/proof-ladder.md | Ranking proof, describing it honestly, collecting more fast |
| references/promise-and-first-win.md | Writing the one line promise and the week one win, with before and after examples |
| references/obstacles-and-cuts.md | Building the included list, cutting, and choosing alone, with them or for them |
| references/bonus-patterns.md | Choosing bonuses by the doubt they kill, timing and order |