communicate-persuade

The Method of Following the Will in Master's Transmission: The Four-Step Communication Technique

R — Original Text (Reading)

On entering a country, inquire about its customs; on entering a household, inquire about its taboos; on entering a hall, inquire about its rituals; when facing a patient, inquire about what suits them. Human nature is such that none fail to hate death and delight in life. Tell them of their failures, speak to them of what is good, guide them toward what suits them, open them to what distresses them. Even among those who are without the Way, how could there be any who do not listen?

— Yellow Emperor/Qi Bo, Master's Transmission, Chapter Twenty-Nine

I — Methodological Skeleton (Interpretation)

The Method of Following the Will in Master's Transmission is a four-step communication framework used to persuade uncooperative targets.

First understand the other party: "On entering a country, inquire about its customs; on entering a household, inquire about its taboos; on entering a hall, inquire about its rituals; when facing a patient, inquire about what suits them"—before entering any situation, first understand the other party's culture, taboos, etiquette, and preferences. Without understanding the other party, effective communication is impossible.

The Four-Step Persuasion Method:
- Tell them of their failures(explain the harms): "Tell them of their failures"—first let the other party see the consequences of not changing.
- Speak to them of what is good(make the benefits clear): "Speak to them of what is good"—then explain the positive results after change.
- Guide them toward what suits them(guide toward a feasible path): "Guide them toward what suits them"—provide a plan that the other party can easily carry out.
- Open them to what distresses them(relieve distress): "Open them to what distresses them"—eliminate the other party's concerns and obstacles in carrying it out.
Human nature is the entry point: "Human nature is such that none fail to hate death and delight in life"—all people seek benefit and avoid harm; this is the foundation of communication. No matter how "without the Way" the other party may be, as long as the point at which they seek benefit and avoid harm is found, they can be persuaded.
Respect the other party's wishes: Do not impose a plan, but "follow their will"—guide on the premise of respecting the other party's wishes. "In spring and summer, treat the branch first, then the root; in autumn and winter, treat the root first, then the branch"—adjust the order of strategies according to different situations.

A1 — Application in the Book (Past Application)

Case 1: Persuading an arrogant and self-indulgent prince or noble

Problem: The prince or noble is "arrogant, self-indulgent, and looks down on others," does not listen to advice; if restrained, it goes against their will; if indulged, it worsens their illness. What should be done?
Use of the methodology: Use the four-step method: tell them of their failures (explain the consequences of continued indulgence) → speak to them of what is good (explain the benefits of adjustment) → guide them toward what suits them (provide a painless, executable plan) → open them to what distresses them (eliminate their concerns).
Conclusion: Even for the most uncooperative person, "Even among those who are without the Way, how could there be any who do not listen?"—as long as the method is appropriate, no one will fail to listen.
Result: By respecting their wishes while guiding their behavior, the unity of "following" and "governing" was achieved.

Case 2: Handling contradictory cold and hot food and drink

Problem: The stomach desires cold drinks, while the intestines desire hot drinks; the two are opposed. What should be done?
Use of the methodology: "Food, drink, and clothing should also be suited to cold and warmth; in cold, do not be bitterly chilled; in heat, do not sweat"—do not forcibly unify them, but find a middle ground acceptable to both sides. The core is "suitability" (moderation), not "prohibition" (banning).
Conclusion: When opposing needs cannot be satisfied at the same time, do not take sides; instead, find the "appropriate" balance point.
Result: "When cold and warmth are both moderate, the qi will be maintained, and thus pathogenic perversities will not enter."

A2 — Future Trigger ★

Persuading a powerful counterpart: Facing strong opposition from a superior/client/family member, you need to persuade effectively.
Driving behavior change: You need to push someone to change a habit/behavior, but the other party is uncooperative.
Mediating conflicting needs: Two opposing needs cannot be satisfied at the same time, and a balanced solution must be found.

Language signals

"How do you persuade someone who won't listen to advice?"
"What do you do when the other party won't cooperate?"
"I've explained all the reasoning, but they just won't listen."
"How do you get someone to accept willingly?"

E — Execution

Understand the other party first
- "When facing a patient, ask what suits them" — understand the other party's preferences, taboos, concerns, and what they truly care about.
- Completion standard: list the other party's core concerns and bottom line.
Warn of failure: explain the consequences of not changing
- In a way the other party can understand, explain what unfavorable things will happen to them if they do not change.
- Completion standard: the consequences are concrete and perceptible, not abstract threats.
Speak of the good: clarify the benefits of changing
- Explain what benefits the other party can gain after changing. The benefits must be tied to the other party's core concerns.
- Completion standard: the benefits are what the other party wants, not what you think is good.
Guide by what suits them + open up what pains them: provide a feasible path and remove obstacles
- "Guide them by what suits them" — give a plan the other party can easily carry out (lower the threshold for execution).
- "Open up what pains them" — remove the other party's concerns and obstacles in execution one by one.
- Completion standard: the plan's concrete steps + a response strategy for each concern.

B — Boundary ★

Do not use in the following situations

The other party is already cooperative: Do not overuse persuasion techniques on people who do not need persuading; direct communication is enough.
Principled confrontation: When the issue involves a conflict of fundamental values, communication techniques may not be enough, and a solution at the institutional/legal level is needed.

Failure modes

Excessive intimidation: "Warning of failure" becomes intimidation and instead provokes a confrontational mood.
Ignoring the other party's needs: Only pushing your own plan, without truly understanding the other party's needs and concerns.

The author's blind spot

The four-step method of the Lingshu assumes that "it is the nature of humans to all hate death and delight in life" — that everyone seeks benefits and avoids harm. But in reality some people do have self-destructive tendencies or make irrational decisions, and the four-step method may be ineffective for such cases.

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