This skill governs three things, corresponding to the three required fields of LYR-SPEC:
| Field | One sentence | This skill |
|---|---|---|
narrative.pov |
Who is speaking, to whom | §1 |
narrative.tense_anchor |
From which point in time they speak | §2 |
narrative.withholding |
Which spot should speak but does not | §4 |
★ All three are hard items of LYR-LINT(items 5 and 6), and are also the countermeasures for items 3 and 4 of the eight signs of AI flavor.
Which sections to read by task
| Task | Read |
|---|---|
Starting a lyric, need to set pov and tense_anchor |
§1 → §2 |
| Someone says "can't tell who is singing" | ★ §1.5 (person drift) + §6 |
| The timeline looks messy | §2.3、§2.4 |
| The lyric is written too "summarily", too conceptually | ★ §3（This is the mechanism for making the lyric concrete） |
| The emotion runs its full course, no aftertaste left | ★ §4 |
| Need to write story-type lyrics | §5 |
| Need to write dialogue, need to change scenes | §6 |
| Before submitting | §7 |
Boundaries
| Not handled here | Where it belongs |
|---|---|
| The five questions of premise: what kind of song, say only one thing, to whom, at which moment, anchoring object | lw-song-intent（★ It only asks "to whom, at which moment"; this skill governs "how to write that moment out"） |
| Imagery, concrete nouns, object writing | lw-imagery（★ imagery governs "with what thing to say it", this skill governs "who is speaking, when they speak, what is not said"） |
| Section function, song form, hook and title placement, sentence pattern and asymmetry | lw-structure（★ How sections are arranged belongs there, the story itself belongs here） |
| Rhyme, rhyme scheme, deliberate non-rhyme | lw-rhyme |
| Inverted characters, harmonic matching | lw-tone-check |
| Plot progression, character lyrics, the "I" in a dramatic situation | lw-musical-theatre(★ the musical theater line is counted separately: there a script backs it up, and one can rely on the situation already known to the audience; pop songs have none) |
| The overall AI-flavor check before submitting | lw-ai-tell-audit |
1. Point of view and person
Corpus measurements(Mandarin non-rap n=487, stratified sample read lyric by lyric, person column two-model blind judgment agreement 80%): first person 71%, first and second mixed 22%, second person 5%, third person 2%; 17% switch person midway. The moment the speaker stands at: mixed 33%, present moment 30%, no time point 18%, looking back at the past 16%, anticipating the future 3%. Cantonese first person 81% (n=36). Rap (n=100) first person 86%, present moment 40%. So "I speak to you, standing at this moment" is the base color of Chinese-language lyrics; switching person and looking back are both deliberate minority choices, and this section is about when they are worth it.
1.1 Three kinds of voice
★ It is the same set of three kinds of voice as in fiction, drama, and poetry: first person, second person, third person (Davis, "Craft of Lyric Writing", p0097).
| Person | Who the voice is | Sense of distance | Cost |
|---|---|---|---|
| First person I / we, speaking to singular you, focus on I | The speaker themselves | ★ First person—the most intimate and most likely to make listeners identify with it; most pop songs use it (p0097) | ★ The singer must "become" this I（§1.2） |
| Second person you | Speaking to the person being sung to | Medium—mainly used forgiving advice, encouragement, pleading（p0099） | The singer–singee relationship must be established (§1.3) |
| Third person he / she / they, also including collective or editorial we | Storyteller or social commentator (p0101) | ★ Most distant | The singer is only abystander, not the character himself (p0101) |
Self-check action (Davis's own words are an operation)：
★ Test the same idea once from each of the three perspectives, and choose the one that lets you write the most effective song. （《Craft of Lyric Writing》p0109）
This is not formalism: Davis gives a student example. The original draft was in a bystander tone, "…he's a weekend father." When changed to first person, "I'm a weekend father…", the impact immediately doubles (p0097). Conversely, subject matter like "Johnny Can't Read" and "Jack and Diane" works best from an observer's perspective (p0097).
1.2 The cost of first person: the singer has to become this "I"
Davis suggests posting this sentence on your desk:
"Each lyric I write asks professional performers to sing my ideas to the world as if they were their own." (Every line I write asks a professional singer to sing my ideas to the world as if they were his own.) —The Craft of Lyric Writing p0098
From this come three thresholds; Davis calls it the "kinky I" warning(p0097): Before using first person, first confirm—
- The idea expressesuniversal emotion, not a quirk of yours alone;
- The story is about acharacter listeners can recognize；
- ★ The singer is likable。
Failure condition: if any one of the three does not hold, switch to third person— let the singer be an observer, rather than merging with an unlikable character (p0098). Davis's positive example is "In the Ghetto": listeners are asked to identify with acamera-like observernarrator, not a complaining victim or an angry perpetrator (p0281); if "She Works Hard for the Money" were changed to first person, listeners would instead be put off by "hearing a woman complain about her own hardship" (p0101).
★ A related general rule:Always put your singer in an attractive light("Always put your singer in an attractive light", p0121)— avoid making him sound selfish, self-centered, or weak-willed. Davis quotes Tina Turner: "When you sing the words to a song, you become that story." —The singer and the lyrics become one（p0121）。
About anger（p0280）：
- Listeners more easily identify withmild negative emotions: loneliness, regret, longing, confusion, anxiety, dissatisfaction, despair;
- ★ Anger directed at a specific individual(rather than at social ills) is a very poor subject candidate;
- Among finished recordings, those songs with an "angry tone" are mostlyThe creator is the singer.; A non-performing lyricist writing anger is equivalent to asking someone else to curse on your behalf (p0100).
- Condition for failure: Anger directed at economic or social injustice (such as "Take This Job and Shove It"), is more easily accepted than blaming someone for a personal flaw (p0100).
⚠ Sarcasm requires extra caution: Sarcasm only works through vocal inflection, Isolated sarcastic lyrics often cannot be heard when sung—"saying one thing while meaning another" is nearly impossible to achieve in lyrics (p0281).
1.3 Second Person: Who Exactly Does "You" Refer To
First, define: Davis calls the person being sung to / sung about singee(p0100). When writing in second person,you must establish the singer–singee relationship（p0100）：
| relationship | example | tone |
|---|---|---|
| a friend giving advice | "Desperado" | advise |
| an ex-lover finding fault | "You're So Vain" | ★ scold (the harsher level than advise) |
"You" comes in two kinds（p0099）：
| type | explanation | risk |
|---|---|---|
| specific you | one concrete person | being "over-specified" (§1.4) |
| collective you(non-specific) | commonly used in inspirational, philosophical, and gospel genres | ★ the meaning must be both clear and universal（p0099） |
★★ The fatal structure of the collective you: The lyric is essentially saying to the whole world, "Home means this to you, right?"— Listeners can absolutely answer, "No, it doesn't"(p0100). Davis's example is a word whose definition wobbles, like "home": it can be the old house from childhood, or the new house you just moved into, the author's personal truth does not automatically equal universal truth（p0100）。
Self-check action: Say your assertion aimed at the collective you out loud, then add "right?" after it. As long as you can imagine someone answering "no," this line cannot yet be said in second person.
1.3b ★ When Two "Yous" Fight
This one was added by Davis in "Successful Lyric Writing"; it is not in "Craft": The generic "you" in colloquial speech will collide in the ear with the "you" pointing to the singee.
"Remember, the ear can't hear the implied quotation marks." (Remember, the ear cannot hear implied quotation marks.)—"Successful" p0065
Davis's example: The first few lines are clearly speaking to a specific lover, the fourth line quotes the saying "what you don't know can't hurt you"— here the "you" suddenly becomes generic,the listener's expectation collapses, producing a moment of confusion（p0065）。
Rule: "No matter which you you pick, stick with it. Don't let the other you intrude." (p0064)
Self-check action: Circle every "you" in the lyric and ask each one,who is this "you". ★ If two answers appear, it must be changed. This rule is especially dangerous in Chinese—in Chinese, "you" is often used as a generic "one" ("when you reach that age, you...").This kind of "you" must be cleared out, or replaced with some other wording.
1.3c Preaching to a collective you
⚠ Don't lecture a collective you—the audience wants to be entertained, not preached at (《Successful》p0065).
★ If you absolutely must convey an opinion, switch to the second-person singular: let the singer address a specific singee, the audience then becomes someone who "overhears this piece of advice," rather than someone being lectured at（p0066）。
1.4 Overparticularizing
★ This is the flip side of "concrete" as a failure condition—the more concrete nouns the better, butcharacters and situations can be too concrete。
| The overparticularized object | Symptom | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Situation | The characters and circumstances are too unusual (e.g., a friend encouraging an actress who lost an audition), and the audience can't relate | p0118 |
| singee | The audience can't tell who the singer is complaining about | p0119 |
| Singer | Only quirks remain, sounding "not very smart," with no universal truth | p0120 |
★ One exception, and a crucial one: "You're So Vain" is likewise scolding a very specific person, but it works, because the lyricist and the singer are the same person(autobiographical, with autobiographical license); non-performing lyricists don't get this exemption (p0119–p0120).
Self-check action: remove the title and all proper nouns, and have someone who knows nothing about it read it—
can they say which specific thing this song is about?(This one is shared with lw-ai-tell-audit .)
1.4b The two lifelines of third person
★ 《Successful Lyric Writing》divides successful third-person songs into two categories（p0066–p0067）：
| Type | Narrator's position | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Impersonal camera eye | Stands outside the events and characters, like an on-site news commentator (in fiction this is called third-person omniscient) | "Eleanor Rigby"、"Johnny Can't Read" |
| A story with a singer–singee connection | The narrator has a relationship with the person being narrated | See below |
★ The camera-eye type usually uses the present tense—the present tense implies: this thing in the lens is a constantly repeating, socially meaningful pattern, not some one-off occurrence (p0066).
★★ Hard conditions for giving a close-up（p0067）：
The mistake beginners make most often is aiming the camera at an odd person we don't recognize, rather than creating an archetype with shared characteristics.
Two ways out,you must choose one：
- There is a universal truth in this close-up；
- Or, establish the singer–singee connection— ★ Davis's example: if that alcoholic woman isthe singer's mother, wife, or daughter, we can draw a conclusion about human nature from it;otherwise this lyric can't sustain the audience's interest（p0067）。
Self-check action: after writing a passage in third person, ask— "What is this person's relationship to the one singing?" If you can't answer, go back and add point 1 or point 2.
1.5 ★ Mixed person: the hardest rule in this section
Maintaining a consistent point of view is a basic principle of writing. If it starts in third person and suddenly switches to second person midway, the listener will be confused. (Craft of Lyric Writing p0101)
Davis's counterexample "Love You or Leave You": The verses are in third person ("He sips a glass of brandy…"), and the chorus suddenly switches to second person ("Should she love you or leave you"）—— ★ This kind of sudden switch directly makes the entire lyric unusable（p0102）。
Two ways out（p0102）：
- Keep the verses and change the title to third person ("Should She Love Him or Leave Him")— ★ But this brings up a new problem: what is the singer's relationship to this couple? If there is no relationship, the singer can only be an objective social observer (the position of "Eleanor Rigby").
- A better choice: change the whole thing to first person.
★★ Diagnosis: Davis believesmixed-pronoun problems are usually the product of the author's ambivalence— both strongly wanting to write this emotional subject,and wanting to deny that it is autobiographical（p0102）。 Self-check action: when you find yourself wavering between persons, first ask "Am I avoiding the autobiographical nature of this song?" rather than first changing the pronouns.
Another symptom of the same kind (p0304–p0306): a first draft uses "her / she" in the first four paragraphs and becomes "your / you're" in the last paragraph, the result isscattered focus and no impact; the fix in the second draft isto throw out "her" entirely and use only "you" throughout, so the story is simplified and the focus is unified.
1.6 Four situations in which person can change
★ Consistency is a principle, not a prohibition. Davis himself listed exceptions (p0102–p0103):
| # | Permitted change | Condition | Source |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Regular alternation: third person in the verses, first person in the chorus | ★ It must be regular, not random drift | p0103 |
| 2 | A one-time breakthrough at the beginning of a section(in "Goodnight Saigon" a "ghost" voice cuts into the narrator's collective we) | ★★ Because it appears at the beginning of a section, not in the middle of a sentence | p0102–p0103 |
| 3 | The change of person is itself the insight: Goldie answers "Do You Love Me?" and finally becomes "Do I love him?" | The switch lets the listenersee inside the character, not a typo | p0103 |
| 4 | Dramatic context as a fallback: Sondheim's "Lesson #8" uses third person instead of first person, gradually transitioning from grammar-book example sentences to singing about himself | ★ It works in the theater, because the audience knows who is singing—pop songs do not have this condition | p0103 |
★★ Item 2 can be used directly as a criterion： If the person is going to change, change it at a section boundary; changing person in the middle of a sentence is basically always an accident.
The bridge is the most commonly used place to change person(p0075)— Davis lists "changing pronouns" as the number-one technique for developing a bridge, the reason being to avoid the whole song being ruled by the same pronoun:
- "Girl from Ipanema": the verses are all she, and the bridge brings in for the first time I, and the emotion is released thereby;
- "Send in the Clowns": the first two A sections use a less personal we and one，the bridge section appears for the first time with an intimate I。
→ What to put in the bridge comes down to lw-structure；The criterion for the act of changing person is here.
1.7 First-Person Plural: Beware of "Mindreading"
★ When using we, do not assert on the other person's behalf that "we all feel this way / we all remember."（p0098）
Davis calls this mindreading, the symptom being that it seems synthetic and lacking in genuine feeling— no one in real life would make that assumption.
| ❌ Mindreading | ✅ Speak only for yourself |
|---|---|
| we will remember… | ★ 「I will remember till the day I die that we were lovers" (this is exactly why "And We Were Lovers" is moving, p0098) |
| We're both still not over it | You've been doing that, so I've been acting like this, and we're not getting anywhere |
★ Davis's prescription for breakup songs (p0098): rather than using "we're" to speak for two hearts, better to say "you've been doing that, so I've been acting like this, and we're not getting anywhere".
★★ When we is truly useful is to show how two people differ, not how they are the same— don't write two characters as clones of each other; "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" stayed popular for over twenty years because it is real andsingular： it is one person observing another person's change(p0098). The opposite interesting side of the same principle: Alan Jay Lerner's "I Remember It Well"— two people recall the same evening,and what they remember is not the same thing at all（p0098）。
Failure condition (explicit exemption): "Our love will last forever" types ("Endless Love", "We've Only Just Begun")are not bound by the mindreading warning, because the singer is making a promise forward like a wedding vowforward promise, that is not mindreading (p0098).
Duets are a separate matter（p0098–p0099）：
- Harmony type(both people have the same attitude): they can sing in unison, can harmonize, can swap lyrics, and it still works with one person singing;
- ★ Conflict type(the two people are at opposing emotional poles, one wants to change the other): this isa conversation sung aloud, sometimes almost an argument, the vocal parts often overlap in counterpoint,and only two people can sing it。
1.8 Choosing Gender
- A lyric that both a male and a female voice can credibly singdoubles the chances of getting a recording（p0103）。
- Failure condition: if the idea inherently requires a voice of a certain gender to work,then write it that way， ★ do not castrate a unique lyric concept for commercial considerations（p0104）。
- If it can accommodate him/her swapping, and swapping does not harm the distinctive traits, then change it (p0104); sometimes a small change can make it cross-gender coverable—"Memory" changed "I was beautiful then" to "life was beautiful then" (p0104).
- Most ideal: design it asa potential duet, while also being singable by a male or female voice alone (p0104).
1.9 ★ "Voice": Thinking, or Speaking
This is an extra axis from Successful Lyric Writing. "Craft" only goes as far as saying "you must distinguish inner monologue from dialogue" (section p0127: inner monologue is the flow of a character's inner thoughts, dialogue is what is said to a specific singee;the key is which one you decide to write）； "Successful" elevates it to an item on par with viewpoint.
That book collectively calls the four decisions before starting work WTS（p0060–p0061）：
| items | options |
|---|---|
| Viewpoint | First person (I/We) / Second person (You) / Third person (He/She/They) /split viewpoint(combination) |
| Voice | ★ Thinking / Talking |
| Time Frame | Present / Past / Future /in motion |
| Setting | None / one specific place / an unnamed "here" / several settings /a moving vehicle |
★ Viewpoint and voice are two sides of the same coin(p0065). The correspondence Davis gives (p0069):
| Viewpoint | Voice |
|---|---|
| First person | ★ both are "thinking"(talking to oneself, thinking aloud) |
| Third person | ★ also "thinking"—the singer is telling a story to an unseen listener |
| Second person | ★★ only it has a choice: two kinds of "thinking," two kinds of "talking" |
The four choices of second person（p0069–p0070）：
- Speaking topresentperson ("Hey, Big Spender");
- Two-way dialogue= duet, the listener hears both sides ("Let's Call the Whole Thing Off");
- In the mind, speaking toabsentperson/place/thing ("Take Me Home, Country Roads");
- ★ the other party is present, but the singer is thinking in the mind——both of these things must be made clear to the listener。
Thinking/speaking confusion: the disease this section attacks hardest
（《Successful》p0068–p0071）
| Example | Symptom |
|---|---|
| "Leaving on a Jet Plane" | In the first verse the singer stands outside the door (as if thinking), but the chorus asks the other person to "hold me" (as if speaking) |
| Student draft "Let Me Pretend" | A series of imperatives (wake up / smell / reach out) seem like speaking, while the next line "You get up and dash to meet a friend" is again a thinking-style sentence pattern |
Verdict: "The lyric is thereby rendered unbelievable as a conversation." (As a result, this lyric is not believable as a conversation.)（p0071）
★ Two actionable guidelines：
| What to write | How to write it |
|---|---|
| Speaking type(wanting to advise, plead, or have the singee do a specific thing) | ★ the singee must be present, andevery line must be colloquial(p0072); ★★ choosing the speaking type is equivalent to putting two people into one scene,you must decide where they are（p0072） |
| Thinking type | ★ cannot directly make demands: Change "I wish you'd wake…" to "If only you'd reach out…" (p0073); to push it further away, you can also switch to third person: "If only he'd wake up…" |
⚠ Midway through a lyric, switching from "thinking" to "speaking" (or vice versa) is nearly impossible(p0072)—you can't tell from the words alone. Failure condition: if the production can use sonic means to make this switch audible to the ear (reverb, a second vocal part, filtering, falsetto—"Sniper" uses these to create multiple characters and flashbacks), then it holds up (p0072).
★ Cases where two readings are allowed: the lyric doesn't explicitly say the singee is present, and the wording is completely conversational, so both readings—"speaking" and "thinking"—hold up; "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" is an example (p0072). ★ This is usable ambiguity, but it must be one you chose, not one you missed.
★ The basis for choosing which cell in the table is in lw-song-intent §1.2:
Attitude type and situation type mainly use first and second person, emphasizing I and you; third person is characteristically used for story songs (p0061).
First-person lyrics are all "thinking"; third person is essentially a story song, told to an unseen audience, and is also "thinking";
only second person offers both "speaking" and "thinking" options (p0069).
Situation type especially needs to lock in the voice, or the lyric will blur (p0069). The table is here; first look at plot_type and then choose.
1.10 Split perspective: only one safe interface
The two books are saying the same thing here, and it's worth looking at side by side:
| Source | Statement |
|---|---|
| 《Craft of Lyric Writing》p0102–p0103 | The breakthrough in "Goodnight Saigon" works,because it appears at the beginning of a section, not in the middle of a sentence |
| 《Successful》p0067 | If the perspective is going to change, it's best to change it at the top of a verse or chorus, not inside a section;and it must be clearly made audible to the ear |
★★ Together this makes one criterion: the interface for person/perspective is at section boundaries; changing perspective inside a section is basically an accident.
Two more points added by 《Successful》 (p0067–p0068):
- Split perspective is inherently uncommon, and split second person, split first/third person especially rare;
- A case that works: "Evening Star" speaks to a collective you (a general male audience) in the first section, and in three choruses shifts on the title line to speaking to the star—the turning point lands on the title line, and the ear hears it perfectly clearly。
2. Time anchors
2.1 Tense determines distance
The time frame reflects the singer's attitude toward the matter.（Davis《Craft of Lyric Writing》p0122）
| Tense | Sound | Davis's example sentence |
|---|---|---|
| Present tense | ★ Greatest impact（greatest impact） | 「I watch you pack your bag…」 |
| Past tense | Sense of detachment（remoteness） | 「I remember the day you said goodbye…」 |
| Future/imagined future | ★ Automatically reduces impact, because the distance is greatest | 「Maybe someday I will walk away…」 |
(All three from p0122.)
★★ Two criteria you can memorize directly（p0122）：
"Drama is always now." "Narrative is always then."
How to use it: first decide whether this song wantsdramaornarrative—— If you want the listener present in the moment, use the present tense; if you want them to hear a story that has already closed, use the past tense. Mixing the two without accounting for it is the disease from §2.3.
2.2 A moment, not a stretch of time
- Once a specific time period is set (breakfast, dusk, midnight),unless explicitly stated otherwise, the actions of the whole song stay there（p0123）。
- ★ Positive example: "Touch Me in the Morning" looks back to the past and ahead to the future, butthe emotional moment never moves（p0123）—— This is the proof that "remembering and looking ahead do not equal changing the time anchor."
- ★ Even "thinking-type" lyrics need a time frame: even an interior monologue must be given animagined clock, Davis's demonstration being "at two in the morning, the singer lies in bed listening to the radio" (p0124).
→ For how to choose the time point, and why it must be a time point rather than a time period, see lw-song-intent §4。
What this section takes over is: once chosen, how to hold on to it.
2.3 ★ The most common time disease: half memory, half present
Davis's negative example "I Can't Make Love to You" (p0124–p0125): The form is a perfect AABA, but the timeline is a mess—— the first A section is remembering last night (in the tone of the next morning), and the second A section suddenly jumps to a bar conversation in the present.
Davis's verdict: "The trouble is it's half and half."（p0125）
There are only two fixes（p0125）：
- The whole thing takes place in the bar(present tense);
- The whole thing is recalled the next day(past tense).
Self-check action: write beside each section when that section takes place. As long as two different times appear with no accounting for the shift in between, that is the disease.
2.4 Changing time zones requires a signal
Changing time is allowed, on the condition that the listener can follow.
- Positive example: "She's Leaving Home" covers two days, but it is perfectly clear, because the lyrics directly state "Wednesday morning at five o'clock" and "Friday morning at nine o'clock"—— between these two time points the listenerfills in a mini-movie themselves(p0126; for the analysis see from p0127 onward).
- Another approach: "By the Time I Get to Phoenix" uses asplit-screen effectto push time forward: the singer travels eastward while watching the other person's day go by; the repeated "By the time I ______" at the start of each section marks the beginning of successive passages, and the second line keeps its eye on the moving clock (she'll be risin' / she'll be workin' / she'll be sleepin') (p0047–p0048).
★ The form will help you or block you（p0123）：
| Form | On changing time zones |
|---|---|
| AAA、verse/chorus | ★ Suitable for changing——the stop-start nature between sections plus the music of the transition bar creates an emotional separation that allows time to pass |
| AABA | ★ Not suitable——the melody is seamless, and the whole song sounds likea single unchanging moment speaking |
→ Which form to use belongs to lw-structure；This one only speaks to its consequences for the time anchor.
2.5 Flashback and anticipation
| Device | Definition | Where to put it | Example |
|---|---|---|---|
| Flashback | ★ Insert into the story, interrupt the chronological order, tell what happened earlier（p0076） | The bridge is the most natural place | "Do You Know Where You're Going To?": the verses are a series of questions, the bridge turns into statements, flashing back to the early happiness of the lovers (p0076–p0077) |
| Flashforward | Looking ahead to the future—hoped-for, conditional, or regretted（p0077） | Same as above | "Over the Rainbow": the dream in the verse is generic, the bridge turns into "…someday I'll…", personalizing and concretizing the image of arriving in Oz (p0077) |
★ The mechanism that keeps flashbacks from getting messy(combining p0123 and p0076): Place the flashback at a section boundary that has a musical interval(the bridge, between sections), do not place it in the middle of a sentence—this is the same criterion as the person-shift in §1.6.
Self-check action: cover the flashback lines and read it through. If covering them actually makes the main timeline clearer, that means this flashback hasn't been hooked in—it's drifting.
2.6 Five questions for self-checking the time frame
In Davis's pre-writing "focus test," time is one item with five options (p0299):
- Is the action happening right now?（"Come In from the Rain"）
- Has the action already ended?（"Mandy"）
- Is time passing?（"By the Time I Get to Phoenix"）
- Is there a flashback?（"When Sunny Gets Blue"）
- Is there a flashforward?（"Over the Rainbow"）
★ Pick one, write it into narrative.tense_anchor。
If you can't tick exactly one, that means the time anchor hasn't been set yet.
The corresponding item in the first-draft checklist is the shortest (p0302):Are the verb tenses consistent?
2.7 ★ A finer set of tense categories (another book)
The two books differ here; keep them side by side:
| Source | Categories |
|---|---|
| Davis《Craft of Lyric Writing》p0122 | Three tiers: present / past / future |
| Davis《Successful Lyric Writing》p0061、p0076–p0081 | ★ Present tense is further split into three kinds, past tense into three kinds, plus one tier for "in motion" |
The two do not conflict; the latter is finer. Short emotion-type words are fine with the three tiers;story-type words or words where time is passing use the finer set.
Three kinds of present tense (Successful p0076–p0078)
| Kind | What it is | Typical |
|---|---|---|
| Unspecified present | An undefined moment; the singer is saying "this is just how I feel" | Mostly first person +thinkingtype |
| Habitual present | ★ Emotion or actionis ongoing, not a single instant | The "It's nine o'clock on a Saturday" in "Piano Man" depictsany Saturday's atmosphere, not a particular Saturday |
| Specific present | ★ A one-time action—a letter, a phone call, something happening right now | ContainsMoving vehiclesThis subcategory: a person in a car / bus / train / plane,emotionally approaching or moving away |
★★ The most practical point in this section（p0078）：
Once you write lines like "Tonight I'll be in your arms when I'm late" or "Wait until you leave tomorrow morning," you have locked this lyric into a "specific present"—the plot must stay there, unless youdeliberatelychange it, andwrite the change out。
Counterexample(p0078–p0079): The student draft's first chorus is "This morning / When you said goodbye…" (a specific present), and the second chorus becomes "Each morning / Before going on…" (a habitual present)— "every morning" implies he has already been gone for a while.
★ Verdict: one plot cannot have two presents.
The three kinds of past tense (p0079–p0080)
| Type | Explanation |
|---|---|
| First-person recollection | The singer looks back on things they have experienced |
| Third-person profile / story | The singer acts as an omniscient camera eye, telling someone else's story |
| ★ Historical present | Using present-tense verbs to tell past events, for the sake of immediacy—"Eleanor Rigby" and "She's Leaving Home" are examples.Rule: once chosen, keep it consistent（p0079） |
★ "How far in the past" determines emotional distance(p0080). Davis uses three kinds of lenses:
| Lens | Distance | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Microscope | It just happened, the person is still drowning in it | "Last Night When We Were Young" |
| Binoculars | Medium distance | |
| Astronomical telescope | Long ago, analyzing the remaining bit of longing with detachment | "Mandy"／"Even Now" |
Self-check action: Say how far this event is from "now" (last night / last year / ten years ago / long ago).
★ If you can't say it,tense_anchor then you've only filled in half.
⚠ Two past actions happening at different times require two different past tenses(p0080)— in English this is the distinction between simple past and past perfect (had). ★ Chinese has no tense endings, so this can only be done with time words and word order: "Only then did he remember that helong agohad forgotten to make that call."If you don't do it, it turns into a blur.
Future tense: the lowest complexity,and also the least chosen option— pop songs care more about the present, or reflect on the past, and rarely speculate about the future (p0081).
2.8 When time is moving, perform it
Unless you tell the listener that the time frame has changed, they assume the whole song is "the feeling of a single moment." （Davis《Successful Lyric Writing》p0076）
| Example | |
|---|---|
| ✅ Positive | "Cat's in the Cradle"：The first line of each section announces that another stretch of years has passed（「My son arrived just the other day…」／「my son turned ten just the other day…」）（p0076） |
| ❌ Negative | It starts with "Mom brought her home today," and by the last section the older brother is already pushing his little sister around the living room—the writer forgot to perform the three years that passed between these four sections, the audience is left only with confusion (p0076) |
★ Davis turned this into a mnemonic rhyme (p0082–p0083):
「Once you set them, / Don't forget them. / If they change, be sure to show it, / So your listener's sure to know it.」 （Once it's settled, don't forget it; if you're going to change it, you must act it out so the audience truly knows.）
Here them refers to the four WTS items(§1.9): perspective, voice, time frame, scene,all four are subject to this rule。
3. ★ Coherence: the audience can only process what they already know (Davis)
Coherence is mainly a matter of logic: all elements revolve around the theme, and ideas are arranged in an order that is easy to follow (p0093). The brain feeds on new information through association, soeach line must support and elaborate on the previous line, then use clear connectives (if…then…, but, so) to lead into the next line (p0093).
3.1 Three orders (p0093)
Action before result, premise before conclusion, cause before effect. The counterexample is saying "it's easy to escape" first, and only on the second line saying that what's escaping is heartache; the audience has to hear the second line before they understand the first. The fix is to put the heartache first, and while you're at it cut the colloquial filler; emphasis and clarity improve together.
3.2 Don't omit the action that triggers the reaction (p0093–0094)
Opening with "I can't believe it" leaves the audience only able to guess what happened. Write the action out: a few minutes ago the band played our old song, I was just wondering how you were doing,
so when you walked in I couldn't believe it.There must be an action before the reaction; this is the lw-song-intent sentence-level version of §4 "moment".
3.3 ★ Misleading the audience (Davis, Craft, p0282–0283)
Failed wording often comes from a misunderstanding: "good writing is about being clever; I don't want to say the obvious thing." The result isleading the audience in the wrong direction: a song about losing weight whose first two lines sound like an affair, and only when "overweight" appears on the fifth line is the truth revealed; a song where by the third verse the pronoun shifts from you to she, and the audience only realizes it's personification when the song is already half over.
Criterion: personification as the basis of a song must beimmediately clear, and from the opening the audience must know what the singer is speaking to (p0283). The dividing line between leaving space (§2) and misleading is here:leaving space is when the audience knows something is being left unsaid; misleading is when the audience thinks they know, but has actually got it wrong.
3.4 Unity (p0099)
Consistency and coherence give clarity, compression and repetition give emphasis, and together the four contribute to unity. Parts and whole must be balanced:each element is given length according to its importance, and logical relationships are maintained between verse and pre-chorus, pre-chorus and chorus, chorus and bridge.